A Course in College Dating
Your school’s admissions office won’t tell you this, but one of the unspoken perks of college is the dating scene. If you’re dorming or living off campus, this will likely be the first time in your life when you have no curfew and no parental rules to obey. You’re a free agent, and you’re free to date. But what’s dating all about and how can you pull off an “A” in this curriculum?
Welcome to Admitopia’s super expert guide to college dating. We’re happy you found it and even more excited to be a part of what’s going to be a great time in your life. Here’s what’s ahead in this handy little guide:
• Planning an awesome non-traditional date. Whether you’re a guy or a girl, take the lead and get off campus to explore local offerings like apple picking, sledding, jet skiing, surfing, and if you’re age legal – wine tasting.
• How to take full advantage of time as a single, and get yourself out there and position yourself to meet someone cool enough to date you.
• Advice on the awkward parts of dating, like when you’ve had enough and it’s times to break-up, but you know you’re going to keep running into him or her again on campus and you need a smooth ending.
• Turning your ex into a friend, because yes, it’s possible! Your ex who wasn’t right for love match may be perfect for a friendship, so no need to go kicking him or her to the curb just yet.
• Tips on how to scope out campus to meet the next person you’re going to love dating.
• What to do when the warm and fuzzies cool down and that feeling in your stomach tells you, umm, you’re about to get dumped. We’ve got advice on how you can go out head high, like the champ you are.
• A checklist of considerations to run through when it dawns on you that you’re single for a reason. If your walls are too high up, we’ve got tips on how to knock them down and get out and about.
• Non-judgmental advice when, hmm, you’ve done just about the very worst thing and cheated. Don’t beat yourself up, you’re in school to learn, and not all lessons happen in the classroom.
• When the person you’re with wants a fling, but you want the real thing. We’ve been there and back, now we’ve got the advice for you we wish someone would have given us!
• Is this love or is this lust? We provide you with the tell-tale signs of love versus lust, before you get so confused you end up single, sharing your dorm room with a cat.
• Texting, the rules of the game. People just had it so easy back in the days of slipping notes in class. But now that texting is here, and not going anywhere, we’ve got tips on how to make you in a digital communications expert.
• How to deal with your BFF, when your BFF clearly needs to move on, but has dug so far deep into a dead relationship that you’re wishing you hadn’t bought those pricey tickets to go on Spring Break with him or her. Yikes. You really need to read what we think you should do in this crazy annoying situation.
• Meet the parents. Woh. This sounds like such a massive step when you’re taking it for the first time, but we’ve been there, pulled it off well-enough, and we’ve got advice for you on how to make everyone comfortable and happy – including yourself.
Remember, dating is not a game as much as it’s an art. There are some rules of communication, but nothing is more enchanting than just bringing your personal cool to a new relationship. Whether you’re looking for something short-term or long-term, or don’t know what you’re looking for at all, understanding the basic etiquette of dating will serve you well. If this sounds good to you, read on and –Happy Dating!
Why So Many Couples Break Up After Graduation
There are certain milestones in life we all hit; some solo, some with a partner. For example: getting our driver’s license, turning twenty-one, getting married, and earning our college diploma. Is snagging your college diploma one that’s becoming more solo?
Some of you may have gone through this same issue with your high school sweetheart. It was such a big decision whether or not to attend the same university, or whether or not to even stay together as college freshmen! If this was you, aren’t you excited to go on that emotional rollercoaster again?
Leaving your comfortable home of four years, no major responsibilities, and plethora of close friends is depressing. Planning for the future is stressful. Factoring in someone other than yourself into the picture is very nerve-racking. Not only are you questioning what YOU want out of life, but what your partner wants as well (because you have to be fair and make sure you’re both happy, right?). This is probably why the median marrying age has risen so much in the past twenty years.
If you feel you and your partner have the ‘real’ thing, then don’t listen to the critics! If it works for you and you believe in it, you can get through anything you little lovers you!
However, if you’re on the edge and anxious about going your separate ways post-graduation, you can always try a break. I know, I know, a break isn’t really a break, it’s a breakup. But hey, maybe it could work for you. Breaks help you realize either how much you both mean to each other and need and want the other person in your life, or, how it is possible to survive without them and that your feelings weren’t as strong as you thought.
Shall you attempt a break, remember to use the ‘no contact’ rule, while simultaneously NOT burning your bridges. You never know what could happen in the future; maybe this wasn’t your two’s time to be together, but five years from now, it could!
Should You Move in with Your S.O.After Graduation?
Deciding what to do with your life post-graduation can be super intimidating and stressful. Where will you work? Where will you live? Or more importantly, whom will you live with?
For the majority of us, our newest roommates will become our parents. Living at home is not uncommon for recent grads. Finding a job right off the bat is difficult, not to mention being able to afford living on your own! If you are able to move out directly after college, you most likely will need to find a roomie (or two) to combat the high cost of rent. For those of us in relationships, the big question becomes: to find a roommate or move in with our significant other?
There are a couple things to factor in before automatically signing the lease with your beau. First, how committed are you to the relationship? Do you see an inevitable future together (like, you plan on never moving out and eventually marrying this person)? Even if you’re not thinking that far ahead, moving in with your boyfriend or girlfriend before the question is popped isn’t so bad an idea. Kind of like a trial run to see how you two fare under the same roof.
Second, do you two even want to live in the same location? Maybe your man is a bit wealthier than you and wants the penthouse apartment over looking the Park. Or maybe you have a pooch and need something on the first floor with a grassy knoll nearby. If one of you wants city and the other country, someone is going to be unhappy (or you’ll need to learn the important prerequisite for marriage: compromising!).
Living with another person (as you most likely learned in college) requires patience and adjustment. You will need to split the rent and chores. You will need to get over your pride and take responsibility for things like taking the trash out and doing your own dishes.
The most important thing to remember should you decide to move in with your loved one after May is that you are not sacrificing anything that you could be doing if he/she weren’t in the picture. For example, if you got your dream job offer in NYC but turned it down to follow your beau to LA, that would not be fair and you might regret it later. In the end, trust your gut, and do what’s right for YOU!
How to Politely Tell Your BFF They Need to Move On Already
Have you been helping your best friend get over a recent break up? Eating ice cream, gaining sympathy weight, and tagging along with them, spending millions, to try and pick up new people at the bar?
If you’ve been doing so for the past month, give yourself a hand! Because that right there is a sign of a good friend. Wait, did you say you’ve been doing this for the past six months? Or year?Well now it seems time for the pity to be placed on you!
Getting over an ex is difficult, but there is a breaking point. You know, that week where you wake up every day feeling happy about the future and spend half the time you’ve been normally spending thinking about how GREAT your ex was? To get to this place isn’t easy. And in fact you can only do so if you are consciously trying to!
Many of us sulk and sulk and sulk for months after we’ve exited a relationship because in an evil way it feels good to feed that little voice saying ‘you can’t date anyone new.’ For our friends, our poor, poor friends who are just trying to have a good time and live up the college experience, it’s unfair and exhausting when weeks turn into months that turn into years of helping us get over one, measly human being.
So, if you’re bestie has been too busy throwing pity parties for himself or herself, the first thing you need to do is TELL THEM. Do so in an honest and polite manner. Say something like, “Hey, I know that ____ meant a lot to you and that coping with it is really difficult, but it’s been a while and it’s only healthy for you to get back out there and have fun!” Tell them that you miss the old them. Use cliché’s like ‘there are plenty of fish in the sea.’
Then, take them out at night with you! Offer to attend yoga class together or any other type of fitness (like a run in the park or signing up for a sports team). Exercise offers endorphins a.k.a. free happiness!
Sometimes you can try as hard as you might and they just won’t budge. If this happens, you may need to go on your own for a while. And when they come back at you saying ‘you weren’t there for them,’ take it with a grain of salt. Clearly, they are still just thinking selfishly. One day they will come around and appreciate your friendship. Until then, live YOUR life and have fun.
When Your Ex Starts Dating Someone New First
What sucks more than a breakup? Seeing your ex with someone new, of course!
It’s something that’s bound to happen.. You can’t be hung up on an ex for the rest of your life or you’re not really living, right? Everyone has to move on if they want to be happy again. Still, we all secretly wish that we are the ones to move on and date someone new before our exes do.
But is it really a race?Does dating a new person suffice as your prize for getting over the breakup first? It shouldn’t! Even though sometimes it feels like it does.
Although you probably don’t want to hear this – maybe it’s because you aren’t fully over them yet. Relationships are hard to get over, especially if you were the one to get dumped. If it’s been months since you’ve ended things, and months since you’ve talked, you should have no problem living life independent and single again. Sure, you’re going to think about your ex every once and a while, but everyday gets easier. You may even be OK enough to start going on new dates again!
Do NOT take offense if your ex’s recovery rate is much quicker than yours. Dated for two years and one month later you see ‘em with someone new? You will never know the measures they took to get over YOU, nor what they see in this new person, so it’s best to not put any more energy into it. (Plus, if they moved on that quick, you’re probably best without ‘em!)
Quit comparing yourself to their newbie! Oftentimes we look at the new date and view them as a new, improved and better version of ‘us.’ This is completely false! What you and your ex had together was (at one point) very special and can never be taken away from you. Don’t view this new person as a reflection of yourself. Your mind might wander into the ‘what if’ and ‘if only’ zone, but try your hardest to steer it away. Trust me, as soon as you meet YOUR next awesome boyfriend or girlfriend, I promise you will be way over your ex. You’ll probably even feel happy for them that they have found someone else.
There will always be a little part of you that gets crushed when you hear of your ex falling for someone other than yourself. The important things to remember are that they inevitably were going to find someone new, that it is out of YOUR control, and that distancing yourself and focusing on YOU and the new type of person that you want will bring you happiness
Who Should Text First – Guys or Girls?
It seems like chivalry has decreased over the decades. Women and men are basically in the same playing field, which is pretty awesome. But it also makes the dating world confusing. With so many ‘standards’ being broken on who should be acting this way and that, how do we know which ideology to live out anymore?
If you are a college girl, then you most likely like to wait until guys text you first. (I use this trick ma’ self.) Simply because it is an easy way to know that he definitely likes you. No one wants to appear desperate when dating – especially women who cultivate the stereotype of being ‘clingy’ and ‘obsessive’ when they act too stern. Hey, we just want to love you!
Some brave ladies out there aren’t afraid to text that cute guy they met last Friday night first. If you are one of these girls, more power to you! You are probably wondering whenis the best time to do it, as well as what you should say.
A good time to text or call used to revolve around the ‘3 day’ rule, which simply means wait three days after you first meet to respond. You don’t want to seem too eager, plus, you only have so much time in a relationship to keep the mystery alive. And that is in the beginning before you learn the way they put their socks on or always order extra hot sauce on their burger.
Now, we don’t live in the ‘50’s anymore. We live in the 2000’s, the era in which you can online search and learn the hottie at the library’s entire life in .02 seconds before even shaking their hand. Kind of cool if you’re trying to find a serial killer, right?
If you are a guy thinking about texting a girl, learn from the above rules. You might think it is your ‘gender role’ to make the first move. And while it’s not necessary, you can very much set the tone for the rest of the relationship if you just reach out first. Then again, if you really don’t like the girl, don’t force it.
Use the above timing rules and you’ll be golden. Say something like, “Hi ____, it was so nice to meet you the other day. How are you?” and let it flow from there. Here’s to sparks flying!
So, You Cheated on Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend
It sucks to find out the person you loved with cheated on you. But what if you were the cheater? Not too often do we read about that side of the story; the side of the cruel, sleazy, untrustworthy cheater.
Whoa, there! Is it really necessary to call them that? In some cases, yes.Totally and completely. But in a rare, slim category or good people cheaters, we don’t have to use that many harsh adjectives. Because people make mistakes and sometimes that mistake is cheating.
The first thing you need to do if you have cheated on your significant other is seriously contemplate your action. What caused you to cheat? Was it the environment you were in? Were you intoxicated, or met a really, really cute guy or gal you just couldn’t resist? And if so, why couldn’t you resist?
Many times when people cheat it is a sign that either something is wrong or unfulfilling in their current relationship, or there is a subconscious desire to still be ‘on the market’ or get with other people. It is human nature to desire others – even after you’re old and married! But it’s with age and maturity that you do not act on those desires anymore. We all mature in college, some faster than others, but in this day and age with the majority of the population staying unwed until their late twenties, it’s so easy to want to be ‘out there’ again.
The next step you need to take is to come clean with your boyfriend or girlfriend. This will not be easy (or fun) if you truly do love the person. If you are not completely honest with them, you risk them getting mad at you in the future for keeping secrets from you. Plus they may accuse you of lying for even the smallest of things because they do not know if they can trust you again. Realize that everything could change when you tell them, but don’t let this scare you so much that you don’t tell them. They deserve to know the truth.
Couples can let cheating make ‘em or break ‘em. Trust is huge in relationships – it’s the foundation and the value that fuels many loving feelings and keeps people coming back. Once it’s broken, your partner may not feel the same anymore. They may be too afraid to trust you again, for fear of getting lied to and hurt.
Try and understand the situation from their side. Put yourself completely out there, apologize like no other, and prove to them consistently over time that you are devoted to the relationship. You’d be surprised how many couples can get through it!
Is Your Significant Other Too Clingy?
Is Your Significant Other Too Clingy?
The majority of us have acted “clingy” or “needy” with a partner in the past without even realizing it. Normally, when the roles are reversed and your partner is acting clingy to you, it’s a turn-off. But what if you really like the person? Is there a way to tell them to turn it down a notch without sounding too harsh?
Clinginess stems from a plethora of places: feeling insecure, jealous, lonely, even not good enough or not fulfilled completely by your partner. Speaking from past experience – acting clingy usually means that you are searching for the last piece of your personal fulfillment in your partner. But nobody can make you happy until you make yourself happy first… and then continuously do.
So, to let your love know that their neediness is freaking you out, first politely ask them if they could give you some space.A lot of times when a person says they want space, the other immediately thinks they mean they want to break up, so go about this kindly! Reassure them that that isn’t at all what you want. In fact, it’s exactly what you are hoping to avoid, which is why you need your space.
For example, instead of texting all day then chatting on the phone at night, try just chatting on the phone at night. That way you can focus on yourselves during the day and have some interesting stuff to talk about at the end of it!
Encourage them to sign up for a sport club, rush a Greek organization or spend more time doing the hobby that they love. As stated before, we become needy when we feel as if we’re not getting enough of something. Rather than putting all that pressure on ONE source (a.k.a. your boyfriend or girlfriend), it’s best to have other hobbies and friends so you can feel all that love you so desperately crave from a multitude of sources.
It’s so easy to drop everything we’re doing once we get a boyfriend or girlfriend because, well, we want to spend every waking second with something we love! This is why you see many of your friends who recently get hitched (as in into a relationship) drop you.
The key is to be polite, but get the point across. If they start to cling to you too much, you’re eventually going to want to get angry about it. Plus, you may realize that after giving each other some space, your going to become the clingy one!
Snuggling into Singlehood Again After a Bad Break-up
The first few weeks after a breakup are the worst. You’re teaching yourself to be comfortable alone again, while simultaneously trying SO hard not to cave and go back to your old ways. How can you keep yourself from wearing pajamas and crying 24/7 to getting out and about and learning to love life again?
First, recognize that not every thought you have about your ex is a “sign.”The movies make is so easy to believe that if you’re thinking about your ex non-stop it’s meant to be, when the fact of the matter is your mind is just processing all of what’s happened. If you’ve gone in circles with your ex in the past (you know, one of those on-again, off-again relationships), then you especially need to bring yourself out of this mindset.
At the same time, stopping yourself from thinking about your ex every single time will drive you crazy. It’s not taboo to think about them. In fact, you’re going to be thinking about them a TON these next few weeks. The most important thing is to get back out there. Never blow off a lunch date with friends, night out at the bar, or any other social opportunity. Even if you feel like you’d rather lay in bed watching sappy love movies, GO OUT. Force yourself to have fun and you WILL. Plus, you never know who you’ll meet!
Taking on the “single” status after being in a once loving and beautiful relationship can seem terrifying to some. But why? Essentially, we are all born “single,” and the majority of us do not begin dating until our teens. So for about fifteen years you remained single. What’s a few months or years now?
It’s all about being self-sufficient. Once we enter the mysteriously amazing land of relationships, it’s hard to get out. It’s hard to remember that we completely FINE before we began using other people to ‘complete’ us. Truth is, no one will ever complete you; and if they do, you’re in the wrong relationship, honey. Significant others should enhance your life. Not fill a void (or worse – make you unhappy).
Channel your inner hopes and dreams. Now that you only have yourself to focus on, make them happen! Watch a movie, take a nap, go for a run – do whatever it is that YOU enjoy and soak it all in.
After a breakup, things are going to change. Change is difficult because it presents us with feelings of discomfort – something nobody likes. It’s only human instinct to avoid it. Just remember it’s a GOOD change. You’re relationship wasn’t working and now it’s over and the world has given you the wonderful opportunity to learn from it, grow from it, and not make the same mistakes again so you can be perfectly prepared for the next person. Love happens unexpectedly though, so be patient for that next one, and in the meantime enjoy the ride of singleness! Otherwise, what’s the point?
When Your Walls are Up TOO High
Maybe you just got your heart broken. Maybe you’ve never had a super serious relationship before. Maybe you’re just nervous and guarded. Whatever it is, if you say you’re looking for a relationship but have trouble being vulnerable, it could be time to break through those walls!
While it is so important to retain your independence in a relationship, a relationship is a two-person deal. Therefore, you must be willing to make sacrifices and compromises, all of which involve releasing your pride.
The other thing about being vulnerable? That’s how you fall in love! How can you love someone wholeheartedly if you keep your heart locked up?
Unfortunately, you can’t control when you fall in love, nor whom you fall in love with. You could be completely ready to make the leap of faith when the world wants you to be single. You could be completely ill prepared when you meet ‘the one!’ But I think we can all agree, it’s best to be ready for whatever life throws at you… which fares on thinking on the positive side!
Are you so afraid of letting your knees go weak or letting someone else see the real you that you’d give up the amazing chance to be in a relationship? The truth is, you can only avoid vulnerability for so long. In the end, it is what strengthens our relationships. It is what allows us to build trust and a lasting connection with another person.
Imagine the way you feel with your best friend (without the intimacy) and project that feeling onto a boyfriend or girlfriend. Most married couples agree that they chose that person to marry them because they were their best friend. Romantic relationships are special (and quite awesome) in that you have a built-in bestie and someone to make out with all in one!
So even though you’re afraid of getting your heartbroken, remember that whether you’re vulnerable or not, it is GOING TO get broken regardless. Why not take the more enjoyable route and fall for ‘em wholeheartedly?
The Problems with a Freshman Dating a Senior
They say that age is just a number, but when you’re young, it’s a pretty heavy number. That’s because your youth is your most developing time period. Remember how different age five from nine was? Or twelve from fourteen? Though the age gap may be small, the maturity one is more than a gap, more like a great, big valley.
Luckily, that valley eventually closes in to be more of a ravine. After college, ages twenty-three through thirty are all rather similar. Everyone is (for the most part) in the same young, fresh into the ‘real world’ market and dating someone several years your senior can feel like nothing.
Remember when you graduated high school, how much you felt you’d changed and grew since the mere age of fourteen? Remember seeing all those little baby freshies twirling your old locker combination, wearing way too much make-up and gossiping about matters equivalent to nothing? Well that very same experience occurs when you move up the grade ladder in college, too. Think of it like this…
College at eighteen:Welcome to the best four years of your life! You’re fresh out of high school, officially an adult and so over the petty drama. Though you still have trouble remembering whether it’s cold for colors or whites, you’re definitely ready to wing it on your own away from Mom and Dad (even though that means sharing a 12’x12’ cube with another human being). When people ask you what you want to do with your life, you tell them you’re majoring in Psychology, no, wait – Chemistry. Ah, actually, Art Therapy! Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out next year. For now, life is all about looking good and partying!
College at twenty-two: It’s finally approaching: graduation day. You’ve done your time (a.k.a. learning GenEds), turned the legal drinking age, fell in love then got your heart broken, made it on the Executive Board of at least one club, and now, are ready to take on Wall Street. Greek parties are getting old and homework is becoming unbearable. There’s an indescribable itch in your skin to move on to the next chapter of your life. Suddenly, a one-night stand isn’t as appealing as a meaningful relationship. And a meaningful relationship means more than having someone to go to the movies every Friday night with, but someone to build an actual future with.
As you can see, the mentality of a college freshman and a college senior are very different. If you’re a freshman looking to date a senior, brave your heart. And if you’re a senior looking to date a freshman… why?
Do ‘Friends with Benefits’ Relationships Really Work?
Friends with benefits: two people who interact strictly in a sexual manner to fulfill their biological needs, rather than their emotional ones. Sounds easy, doesn’t it?
Think again! More and more in college will you come across this choosy type of connection. And while it can indeed be very entertaining and non-committal, can we really classify it as a relationship? After all, play with fire long enough and someone’s gotta get burned, correct?
If done tastefully, a FWB relationship can be done. Here’s how…
1. Set a time frame
One of you will fall for the other. This is not an “if” or “maybe” statement, my friends. This is a fact! We humans are genetically programmed to feel, so as much as you brag to your friends that you don’t care about your FWB, somewhere, deep down, one you has begun to develop feelings.
Think about it: if you absolutely were not attracted to them or could not stand them at all, why would you consistently sleep with them? Setting a time frame is key because if you break it off before you’re in too deep, you should save yourself (or them) a lot of unfair heartbreak.
2. Limit all contact to weekend nights
Essentially, you’re both just using each other for sex. You are not brunch buddies, nor study partners. You are not Valentines, nor emergency contacts. Therefore, make sure you’re only calling each other when needed.
Unless you can see yourself mutually developing feelings that could turn into a relationship, limit your contact to Friday and Saturday nights only.
3. Still date other people
Your FWB is most likely not in the running to be Mr. and Mrs. Right. Keep your eyes posted for new loves and keep your flirty personality going strong while out and about! Who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone that can fill both your sexual and emotional needs? That my friends is what we call the jackpot.
How to Tell if You’re Ready to Begin Dating Again After a Break-up
Don’t worry, there will be others,” is the most commonly used phrase we use to soothe our friends (and ourselves) after a rough breakup. Sometimes, it seems like that’ll never come true.
But then we meet someone new, someone different that makes us see things in a beautiful and way better light then before, and POOF! Everything is okay again. Still, how do you know when you are truly ready to stroll back into relationship land after a breakup? What is the appropriate mourning period? How do you know when you’re healed?
Ladies and gentlemen, the answer is… you don’t! There is no specific time period or telltale sign because it’s different for everybody and every relationship is different. Here’s a few cues though…
1. Are you happy being alone doing nothing?
Our world is run on online social networks and a subconscious go-go-go mentality. Believe it or not but being alone, doing absolutely nothing scares a LOT of people.
Why? Because we will always feel like we need to be doing something (especially in college where we’re trained in multi-tasking!). And because doing nothing is “boring” and no one likes feeling lonely! But feeling lonely is just a part of life. You’d be surprised how many things you will find about yourself and your thoughts by meditating. Many of the “lonely” thoughts we experience are just that – thoughts!
2. Has your breakup lasted six months or more?
Many times after a lengthy relationship ends we will keep our exes in our lives (as friends, pff! Who ever came up with that one?!) because it is just too painful to let them go completely. If it’s been over six months since the words “I think we should see other people” have been muttered and you’re still in constant contact with your ex: LET GO! Trust me, you are only hurting yourself by lingering on that love leash. After six months, you are not holding onto the person, but the idea of what you used to have.
3. Are you consciously putting yourself out there?
Are you sitting all alone in your dorm room every Friday night with ice cream or are you going out with friends, flirting with new prospects, and trying to make the most of your college experience? Even if you don’t necessarily feel ready to love again, the fact that you’re able to get fancy and talk to new boys or girls is GREAT! The key to getting back out there is forcing yourself to, until one day, when you realize you can have fun with or without a significant other. Then, when you least expect it, it’ll happen again!
Are You in Love or Lust?
We normally think of the words ‘love’ and ‘lust’ as meaning the same thing… but that’s highly incorrect. Synonymous, antonymous, hippopotamus – what ever do they mean?!
It should be apparent that feelings of lust are more associated with being sexual, while feelings of love are more associated with genuine emotions of care. What’s funny about them is that you can have one without the other… or can you?
Certainly you can have lust without love. This is what people who enter ‘friends with benefits’ type relationships or have one-night stands experience. Having love without lust is, essentially, friendship. There are various types of love: the type you have for your parents, Aunts and Uncles, pets, friends, hobbies, etc.
Then there’s romantic love – the type of love that requires both an emotional, caring attachment (cough, cough the love part) and lust – the feelings of sexual excitement you get for that person. If the thought of kissing a person makes you go ‘blegh,’ chances are you like them more as a friend rather than as a romantic partner.
Some common feelings of lust are…
• You only wish to hang out with them at night (preferably in bed) rather than spend the entire day together
• You’re focused more on appearances, like staring at their hot body, than what they have to say
• Conversing about feelings feels weird
• Answering their texts/phone calls does not feel like a priority
Some common feelings of love are…
• You want to spend as much time with them as possible – whether it be day, night or both!
• You sincerely care about them and are genuinely interested in what they have to say
• It is important to you to make them happy, and for them to make you happy as well
• Thinking of them makes you sigh, daydream or put on the rose-colored glasses
Hopefully after reading these signs you can better decipher your feelings toward a certain someone. Don’t be surprised if they aren’t what you thought they were!
Should You Get Engaged Your Senior Year of College?
If you’re about to graduate you’re university, you probably know a few people already planning their famous last words. No, I’m not talking about their Thank-You notes to professors or speeches to their families at graduation parties. I’m talking about vows. That’s right, some of your friends (and maybe even yourself) are getting hitched in May!
To some, the idea of knowing the person they will be spending the rest of their life with at the mere age of twenty-two is absolutely terrifying. To others, that idea is freaking awesome and they cannot wait to get started on wedding planning, buying their first home and crankin’ out the kids!
It’s a controversial topic, what age is the “right” one to get engaged at. And honestly, it’s different for everyone! A large factor in determining whether you are ready to get married or not are your maturity levels. Most people get married and then live on their own together, in their own apartment/house, paying their own bills, mowing their own lawns, etc.
Do you both consider yourselves responsible? Financially, emotionally, and every other type of –ally? How are your work ethics? Are you both rather clean and don’t mind doing the dishes and taking out the trash – even if it’s not yours? These are the questions you need to ask yourself, people.
Now, as far as time goes, love does not work around your calendar year. It strikes unexpectedly, most likely not on your timeline. If you fall in love with the person you can envision your future with your freshman year of college, it can be tough. You might be thinking that you don’t want to “settle,” that someone else as equally amazing will come along eventually. But you’ll never meet THAT person again. (No pressure or anything, right?)
There’s a social taboo going around about finding “the one” at twenty-two years of age. After all, twenty-five is like the new eighteen! People are moving out later, getting off of their parents’ cell phone plans later, even freezing their eggs! If you still haven’t found Mr. or Mrs. Right and you’re graduating, no reason to fret! You have plenty of time. Just keep in mind that by this age (yes, twenty-two) you should definitely be on your way to responsible and at least looking for a lifetime partner (if that’s part of your plan anyway).
Are you Graduating College… a Virgin?
Graduating high school, the biggest social pressure was whether or not you were entering college a virgin. Then you got to college and it seemed like everyone was doing. Literally, everyone.
The key word here: seem. If you have yet to give up your V-card, it may appear that everyone is doing it. But that’s not necessarily the case. Just because every other rap song, every other friend’s story, or every other adult mocking college-aged students involves sex, doesn’t mean that your whole university has handed over their cards.
Many people wait to have sex for the first time because of their religion. Others do because they want it to be perfect or with the right person. Let’s be honest, the first time of anything is kind of a big deal! You don’t know what your doing, you’re uncomfortable, awkward and all of the above.
But don’t let your self-consciousness get to you. Many girls and guys avoid sex because they’re too nervous or think they are a “loser” if they didn’t lose their virginity in high school. If you want to explore, then by all means, explore! Your twenties are for experimenting; determining which qualities you want in a romantic partner, figuring out the type of person you want to be and the type of person that will complement you.
Now, if you are in fact holding out because of your beliefs (for example, no sex before matrimony), don’t be embarrassed! No one will care if you own it. When you do discuss it with friends or dates, explain your situation and why you think that’s awesome. If they like you for you, they’ll totally respect you for it. It’s a good way to weed out the good ones!
Plus, it’s not like you have to go around to everyone at the party with that fun fact (“Hi, my name is John Smith, what’s yours? Did you know I’m a virgin?” Weird!). It’s a personal choice, after all.
Remember, sex is sex. It’s just another part of life! There’s no need to stress about who is doing it or how they’re doing it just because you’re in college. Though these are the peak years of your sexuality (hey, blame biology), if sex is not a priority to you right now or you want to stick to your beliefs, then fuggehtaboutit. And if you’re just holding out for the “perfect” time or mate, realize that there may never be a perfect time or mate… it’s all up to you!
When Your Significant Other’s Ex Comes Back Into the Picture
Ex? Oh. (Get that pun?) What I really meant to say was ex – oh no!
So your current boyfriend or girlfriend’s ex has come back into the picture. Whether they are contacting them daily or sending sweet love notes online that you just “happen” to see, one thing is clear: it has to stop. For one, it’s just not fair. They should be history now that YOU are in the picture. There can only be one reason for this… somebody is still in love.
Now, keep in mind, that that certain somebody could be the ex… or your current man or woman. Many times an ex will try and reappear in front of their ex’s new relationship out of jealousy. They have yet to move on fully, can see that their ex has, and are jealous.
We’ve all been there – seeing someone we used to love or crush on start something beautiful with someone new – and it sucks. Sympathize for the ex, but just a smidgen. Because no matter how heartbroken or jealous you are, the immature thing to do is try and ruin the person that used to be yours beautiful, new relationship. They should focus on being happy for their ex lover and moving on, rather than wasting all their energy finding the perfect way to sabotage you.
The most important thing to remember when this happens is not to get mad at your current boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s not their fault that their ex is going off the deep end. Now, if your guy or gal keeps replying and giving attention to their ex, thus, egging them on, you need to tell them how you feel and that you’d like them to please stop.
Honesty is such a huge value in relationships and trust is something that should never be taken for granted. If your guy or girl is coming out and telling you everything they’re ex is doing to try and contact them, be respectful and thank them for being honest with you. It’s better than them doing all of this behind your back, right!?
The ex’s behavior will likely simmer down after a few weeks of no contact. Plus, seeing their ex dating you may just be the straw to break the camel’s back for them getting over it. Try not to focus any attention on them. Focus on what really matters: you and your new boo!
How to Pick Things Up with Your Hook-up Buddy Spring Semester
Welcome back to school! Time for new classes, a new season, and… hey, where’s that hottie you were casually getting down with in the fall?
Second semester brings lots of new things and exciting things and, if you’re lucky (and want it), could bring a relationship! Or a breakup… or a make up… or, ahh who knows? If you’re looking to get back into the swing of things with the boy or girl you were hooking up with at Halloween, here’s what you should to assess first.
1. How did things end?
Did the two of you end on a good note or just fizzle? Did they sound like they wanted to pick things up again come Spring? If you two didn’t have a distinctive “ending,” that might be better than having a solid “we’ll talk…” one. Sometimes, ending on nothing can be better than ending on anything because now, if you try to contact them, it doesn’t appear out of the blue!
2. How did you handle things over break?
Did the two of you chat consistently or just every once and a while? If you two crazy kids texted everyday, then I guarantee you can’t wait to see each other again! If you weren’t anything serious, but still managed to keep in touch over the lengthy three-four weeks of winter, then you, too, will also have an easy time picking things up again. You just might have to work a little harder… if you want an actual relationship, that is.
3. What do you want to get out of the situation this time around?
So you’ve had quite a bit of time to decide what you want to do about this recurring flame. Though it’s not like you’re committing to get married or anything, take into consideration what grade you are in and where you will be this summer before you jump into a relationship right off the bat. If the two of you were nothing more than FWB (“friends with benefits,” that is) and you are totally fine being just that again, do it! It might be a smart idea to let your partner know this though. After a few months of FWB, someone usually starts to grow feelings, and it’s not fair to hurt them if it’s not you.