Advice struggling college students

I graduated from CCBC with an associates in Mass Communication in the spring of 2014, and am setting my sights on University of Baltimore for the spring of 2015 to get my Bachelor in anthropology.

Daniel King
College is stressful.

It doesn’t have to be though! Stress ( and stressors for that matter) are a constant in college. You will get sizable assignments that will be due before you know it, and seem to have nothing to do with the subject matter you are studying. Teachers will ask you to be present in the classroom after you have just walked in clothed in last night’s pants. You’re going to have students- far more adamant about long term commitments than yourself- requesting your company at a 9 p.m. group session to discuss the plausible existence of borrowers, and all the while you just wished to suck down the three helpings of fries you bought. You put them in front of a lunch lady who furthered your anxiety about your platter when she announced your purchase to assure herself that it was correct. I understand your pain listless reader, but don’t fret, follow me.

Let’s start with assignments. These wretched place markers in your college life are maddening. Mid terms are terrifying when you, listless reader, have far too many shows to catch up on to bother studying. So my tip for assignments is to simply not do them. Don’t push yourself to finish things you don’t want to, you won’t be happy with it, and because you don’t think it’s good your work it has to be sub par. Don’t do anything you don’t want to for that matter. If you don’t like the project then it’s a complete waste of your time, and college is stupid, and hard, and watch netflix.

Now that we’ve done away with assignments let’s move on to those wonderful nags who refuse to accept that you just can’t… whatever… you just can’t. When you go to turn in an assignment (which if your following my method you shouldn’t be) make sure to keep your head down when you present it, and if he begins a conversation always remember to keep your mind as numb as possible to the lightening ideas of your mentor. Your professor might just end up telling you something that could maybe lead to a possible catharsis at some point, so avoid their sage advice like the plague. If you don’t you might get sidetracked, and completely miss out on binging bad girls club until you’ve fully incubated cataracts.

Group organizations are a bother on any college campus too. They are constantly roaming around the school in packs that closely resemble groups of impassioned minds. Well guess what; they ARE impassioned minds, so busy with their habitat for hummanities (which sends students to disparate countries to build homes and foster relationships between cultures), their honors societies (which gives crucial scholarships options for those that wish to excel in a field), or even the student government (which regulates the funds of each club, and provides excellent executive experience), that they don’t even consider that, without knowing anything of their organization, you aren’t interested. The nerve of some people. If you begin to notice these groups are beginning to foster a want to engage in your community, or simply engage your own mind, then tell them your busy, leave, go smoke a joint, watch more netflix, who cares, no one.

No if you’ve followed these guidelines to the letter, you should be reading this from your couch, closed off from all opportunities, and embittered at the very thought of achievement . Well let me be the first to say ‘mazel tov!’, because you’re out! You no longer have to worry about assignments, because you’ve flunked out and don’t plan on returning. You no longer have teachers biting your head off about your work ethic, because every time you ring up their dunkin donuts coffee you take the time to remind them that you were their student, and they pay for their drink somberly. Finally clubs are out the window, because… well… you know… your couch, and remember, don’t push yourself, it’s just a sure fire way to reach your goals.

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