Have you ever needed to execute a breakup for a relationship so ridiculous you’re just trying to be creative about the manner in which it goes up in flames? Allow me to provide ideas. Enjoy.
1) Invite him to get a pedicure with you. Make a BIG DEAL about it. When he refuses, say, “This is too much. I’m sorry, but it’s over.”
2) Buy a box full of small animals (kittens, baby chicks, lizards, whatever), and give them to him as a gift. When he looks at you weird and asks what he’s supposed to do with him, get serious and teary-eyed and say, “Is this how you’re going to react when we have kids?”
3) Send him an elaborate email using standard business etiquette, and inform him that he’s being terminated, effective immediately. Give your rationale using high level business jargon.
4) If you have the same circle of friends and they like you more, convince them to do an intervention with him and explain why he should break up with you. He’ll think it was his idea.
5) Go pottery painting with friends. Do a simple plate or coaster, and write, “It’s been fun, but don’t call me.” Ask him to do you a favor and pick up your creation once it’s been fired.
6) Send him in to get you guys coffee. Have her write, “Your girlfriend says not to call her, she’s done” instead of his name on the side of the cup. Make sure you’ve driven off by the time he gets back. If he hasn’t seen the cup yet, he will have a LOT of time to kill finding another way home, and he’ll need something to stare at. He’ll figure it out.