“Come on over” was the text he sent. My friend with benefits. My heart was racing and mind confused. I had a paper to write, but he was texting me. I was afraid that I’d lose a chance to win him back if I didn’t show up looking immaculately stunning and rocked his world in bed.
I went over, we had relations, and then I went home with a hole in my heart.
To him we were friends with benefits. To me it was a nightmare.
Being friends with benefits is tricky. You have to have some attraction to the other person enough to sleep with them, and enough of an emotional connection to hang out and be friends.
When the lines are crossed, however, and someone begins to develop feelings then things get tricky.
He eventually began dating a girl and then decided he no longer wanted to see me. I was crushed. I couldn’t understand how I hadn’t won him back into my life through being a friend with benefits. I mentally cursed the woman he was with, who eventually became his wife.
All of that heartache could have been avoided.
There are some basic ground rules for a friend with benefits:
1. Let there be a clear understanding that you are, in fact, only friends. No matter what you cannot develop feelings.
2. If you sleep with someone else then let your friend with benefits know for safety purposes.
3. Decide if you want to discuss dating other people. Sometimes it’s awkward to be sleeping with someone and talking about other people.
4. Never use it as a way to get an ex back, or to get together with someone.
A few years later I met another man who I liked and dated. But after a month we proved to be incompatible, so we decided to be friends with benefits. It works because we both know that if there was to be a relationship then there would have been one, but we just couldn’t make it happen.
How do I feel about him? I enjoy hanging out with him. He is social, caring, and smart. Of course I feel blessed to have a friend like that in my life, and I hope to keep him in my life that way. When we sleep together it is only platonic- it is purely for the fun.
Is there a potential for one of us to develop feelings? I think so. But I think there’s a potential for any two people sleeping with each other to develop feelings. But we already proved that this works better. And we established ground rules. So even if that does happen we both know the reality is it just wouldn’t work, and therefore wouldn’t be a good idea to pursue.
And if I did develop feelings for him I’d stop. Being his friend means I’m privy to knowing details about things I wouldn’t want to know about, such as him dating others. I’ve already been in a situation where I was heartbroken. I’m not going to do it again.
If you do develop feelings for a friend with benefits it’s best to stop the sexual connection, or else you may get hurt. I suggest walking away. This may be difficult if you’re particularly close to the friend. At that point you can either choose to admit your feelings or just walk away to move on. But you have to be honest with yourself. If you’re feeling some jealousy then you have to ask yourself how you truly feel and if you want to continue.
Regardless, never use being friends with benefits to get with someone. Instead use it to have fun with someone you’re already close to.