How to Painlessly Dump Her
Ready to call it quits? Then get out while the getting is good. If you have really thought it over, make your move. Don’t assume that something is going to change and forget about just withdrawing from the relationship until she decides to leave. If you’re ready to get out of this relationship then make your move.
Timing is Everything
Once you have decided that you are definitely ready to breakup, move as fast as you can. Don’t rehearse what you are going to say. Forget about waiting for the right moment. Just bite the bullet and do what you have to do. Dragging on with it is only going to make it work. The more you think about it, the more nervous that you’ll be. And it’s important to think about her feelings. If you’ve already checked out of the relationship, don’t embarrass her by not being honest about the whole thing.
Be very clear about the situation. Simply tell her that you aren’t happy for whatever reason. Always be honest but stick with simple, clear answers. Tell her that you are looking for something different or that things have changed. You aren’t selling the idea of breaking up so you don’t need to go into great details. Just tell her what you want and what you don’t want.
Forget about Friendship
Don’t promise to stay friends. Maybe in the far off future when this is completely behind both of you, you’ll reconnect and become the best of friends but you don’t need to plan on that now. Even if you do decide to become friends later, you are going to need some time away for each other indefinitely. This is the end of your relationship so stay away from making any sort of future plans together.
You don’t need to flatter her but you certainly don’t want to insult her either. She already knows that there are things that you don’t like about her so you don’t need to rub salt in the wound. Don’t be mean or sarcastic or dramatic. State your decision and leave it at that. You have no need for an enemy so be polite. You cared about this woman at one point so there’s no reason to go out of your way to hurt her. Avoid all insults and don’t go into making a list of her faults. Simply tell her that you two aren’t right for each other.
Shut It All Down
Once you breakup, close off all contact. Delete her number from your phone, unfriend her, and unfollow her. Again, there’s a possibility that you’ll want to be friends later but now is absolutely not the time. For now, just get away from her and cut off all ties. If she messages you after the breakup, simply say that you don’t want to talk and then block her. It might sound harsh but in the long run it is much better than giving her a sense of false hope.
Win her back
Did you lose the love of your life? Whether she dumped you or you just made a major mistake, there is always a chance that you can make things work with her once again. Before you show up outside of her door with all of the roses that you can carry, start strategizing and think things through. With a little help, you might be back with her in no time.
Forget About First Impressions
Forget about all of the things that you did together. You might have done some nice things during your relationship but those don’t count in more. When it comes to relationships in general, you can’t just rest on your laurels. There’s a reason that people always say that relationships take work. It’s true! You need to make her happy or she isn’t going to want to stick around. Of course, she should return the favor but let’s just focus on you for now. If you do get back with her, focus on making a daily effort. Even the smallest gestures can go a long way.
Don’t Aim for Pity
Just telling her she’d be happier with you isn’t very convince. Trying to convince her that she should take you back because you’re sad and lonely is downright pathetic. She might feel bad for you and wish that you weren’t so heartbroken but that isn’t the foundation for a good relationship. Never rely on sympathy for getting back into her good graces. Put your poker face on before you approach. Tell her that you miss her if it feels right but don’t make your life sound like a pit of misery.
Ditch the Empty Promises
If you broke up last week, don’t come back to her and tell her that you are a completely different person now. She probably isn’t going to buy it and it’s likely to be untrue. Change takes time. If you realize the mistake that you made, tell her that. Tell her what you’d like to change and how you plan to work on it but don’t pretend like you’re suddenly a new man.
Never Buy Her Back
Thoughtful gifts are great but now isn’t the time for that. Even a great present is just going to make you look lazy. Forget about buying her anything for the time being. It’s just going to make her uncomfortable and you’ll look bad. Offer to take her out for a coffee if you want but leave it at that. No amount of flowers or wine or fancy dinners are going to win back her affections.
Be Honest about Yourself
If you know why she broke up with you, give it some serious thought. Are you ever really going to be the sort of guy that she is looking for? Are you ready to make those compromises forever? Be totally honest about who you are and what you want. If the core of your personality just doesn’t work for her, forget about it. Think about her as well. Is she really the woman that you want? If you put in all of this effort, will you really be happy? Do some serious soul searching before you make a major move.
When you run into an ex
Like it or not, your ex didn’t drop off the face of the earth when you broke up. He is still out there roaming the streets and you may very well run into him again at some point. Be prepared so that when it happens you can stay cool and collected. It probably won’t be as dreadful as you are imagining it if you just stick to a simple strategy.
Step one: Make a choice
Remember that you don’t actually have to talk to him or even acknowledge him. If you ended things on bad terms, you really don’t have to be friends. You don’t have to approach him for chit chat or make an effort to catch up. It’s your choice. This mainly applies to messy breakups though. If he cheated on you, feel free to look right through him as if he’s not there. If you ended on decent terms, it’s polite to at least say hello and smile.
Step two: Take a deep breath and relax
As nervous as you might be, just try to relax. You don’t have anything to prove to him. He already knows you very well so you don’t need to convince him that you are someone that you’re not. Just be yourself. If you’re overcome with nerves, just make an excuse to keep the meeting as short as possible.
Step three: Think about his feelings
Even if you are ready to chat, he might not be. If he is acting cold, don’t take it personally. There still might be some hurt feelings there. Maybe you just caught him off-guard and he is the one feeling awkward. Don’t dwell on it. Smile and if he doesn’t respond, just move on.
Step three: Keep the conversation light
Now is not the time to talk about your relationship. Don’t bring up new partners or old issues. Just keep the conversation light and simple. Talk about the weather or the news or your new apartment. The more basic you keep the conversation, the easier the interaction will be. Treat him the way that you would treat a casual work acquaintance.
Step Four: Keep it short and sweet
The easiest way to keep the conversation casual is to keep it short. Come up with any excuse that you need to keep the conversation moving forward then end it quickly. Say that you are on your way somewhere or just make up whatever excuse comes to you. Don’t wait for the conversation to get awkward before you try to step away from it.
Step Five: Dish the Dirt
Of course, you are going to be thinking about the chance ex run-in for a while after it happens. Feel free to dish all the dirt to your friends so that you can unload it. Tell them what he was doing, what he was wearing, and how he looked. Tell them everything so that you can talk it out and move on. Then celebrate your cool and calm response!
Signs that she’s not into you
Think that she might not like you quite as much as you like her? Look for warning signs that she might already have her eye on the door. If she has been hesitant to agree to dates or if she simply can’t ever make time for you, chance are good that things aren’t going to change. You might be better off to move on and start looking elsewhere. Start paying attention and decide if she’s worth the time and possible heartache.
She’s Not Ready for a Relationship
If she says that she’s not ready for a relationship, she’s probably not interested in you. Unless you’re proposing marriage or coming on really strong, there’s no reason why she can’t find the time to have dinner with you. If you’re asking her on a simple date and she’s making excuses for why she doesn’t want to be in a relationship, forget about her. If she is interested in you, she’ll make the time to get to know you and then simply explain that she’s not looking for anything serious if that’s really the case.
She Needs to Focus on Her
If she tells you that she’s focusing on her career right now or trying to find herself, head the other way. Most of us strive to have some balance in our lives. If she really likes you, she’ll be able to find at least one evening per week to get to know you. Going on a few dates has never hurt anyone’s career and she probably already knows that.
You’re Like Her Brother
If she compares you to a family member, she isn’t attracted to you. Give up right now and look for someone who sees you as potential boyfriend material. Don’t try to change or mind or frustrate yourself by sitting around and waiting for her. There are so many other women out there who would be perfect for you. And they might actually be interested if you’d give them the chance!
It’s Not the Right Time
Just like the excuse of focusing on her career, it’s nonsense. If she was really interested in you, she would make the time. She’d take things slowly until she felt like she was ready to start a relationship.
She’s Been a Little Too Quiet
If she’s been slow to respond to your messages or just isn’t getting back to you at all, take a hint. She doesn’t want to give you an excuse. She simply wants you to forget about her and move on. Don’t take it personally. Just accept that you aren’t a match and forget about her.
She Won’t Commit
If she can’t make a solid plan with you for the weekend, there is a good chance that there is something else that she would rather be spending her time doing. If you keep trying to make plans with her but aren’t getting anywhere, call it quits.
If she’s not into you, the important thing is to just look for someone who will be interested in you. Don’t waste your time trying to change her mind or wait for her to be ready. Get out there and find the one for you.
How to Flirt with Her
Choose Your Lady
If you are out to meet people, look for someone approachable. Don’t interrupt a busy woman or say “smile” to someone clearly having a bad day. Pay attention before you approach. Never, ever try to flirt with more than one woman at once. If you want to talk to her, don’t flirt with her friend.
Always smile. It’s critical to come across as friendly. Maintain eye contact without staring. Compliment her if you want but don’t make it sexual. You’re far better off to focus on something small. Say that she has a nice necklace or compliment her shoes. She will probably know right away that you find her attractive so don’t push too hard or you might come across as creepy.
If you don’t feel confident, act like it anyway. Don’t say things like “this is a dumb question” or “you probably won’t be interested but…”. If you are shy about flirting then be subtle. Ask for her help with something. If you’re at the grocery store, ask if she has ever cooked a leek before. If you’re at the bar, tell her you want to try a new cocktail and ask for her recommendation. With this sort of approach, you’re very unlikely to be rejected. Ask her a few things, make chit chat. Most women would rather you just be yourself than try to come up with smooth lines.
If you’re going out, wear something comfortable. Don’t try to impress women by wearing the same button-up shirt that all of your friends have on. Wear what you like. Even if it isn’t a huge hit with everyone, it’s much more likely to attract the sort of woman that you would be interested in.
It’s important to keep your first impression positive. It’s easy to start complaining about random things when you don’t know what to say but you’re better off not to. If you can engage her in a conversation, talk about the things that you are passionate about and you’ll come across as far more interesting. Don’t talk about how you hate your job. Mention that you love playing football with your friends at the weekend. Say anything that makes you sound like a happy person who might be fun to be around.
Know Your Boundaries
If you just met her, don’t invade her space. Don’t get too close to her and don’t initiate touching. It’s important for her to know that you are interested but you really don’t need to get into her space for that. Too much, too soon is very off-putting. Touch her shoulder or her arm before you go and say that it was nice to meet her (ideally after you’ve gotten some contact info) but leave it at that.
Practice Makes Perfect
If you feel completely hopeless at flirting, go out and practice. Get comfortable talking to people that you don’t know. Force yourself to ask question on the street, even if it’s just for directions to somewhere. Start up a conversation with someone while you are waiting in line. It doesn’t even have to be with a woman that you’re interested in. In fact, you might want to build up to that by just chatting with random strangers when you can.
Online Dating Tips for Guys
Keep the Pics Clean
Your photo is the first impression that you are giving to your potential ladies. Spend some time on it and make it look decent. Wear all of your clothes, always. If you absolutely must include a shirtless pic, only do it at the beach or in a pool and be clothed in the majority of pictures. Sorry, but anymore topless photos are going to make you seem sleazy and desperate. And pay attention to your surroundings. We don’t want to show her your dirty bathroom or messy bedroom. Look respectable and make sure that you have an alright background.
Go On, Please
If you want to capture anyone’s interest, you are going to need more than a sentence for each section. If you can’t think of what to write, sleep on it and get some ideas from your friends. If you come across as boring in your profile, she’s definitely going to think that you would be too boring to bother meeting up with.
Send Thoughtful Messages
You also need to be interesting in your messages. Don’t just send women messages saying “Hi” or “What’s up?”. There is simply too much competition out there when it comes to online dating. Many women are getting multiple messages each day and you need to make yourself standout. Reference something in her profile that you made you message her. Say that you like the same films that she does or that you also love to ski. You don’t need a clever line but you don’t want to look like you just copy and pasted the message to a thousand other women.
It’s fine to have a few photos of you from a distance but be sure your face is showing clearly in at least one picture. Take off your sunglass, sit in front of the camera, and smile. She wants to know what you look like. Plus, you can come across like you’re hiding if your face is always a bit obsured.
No Ladies Allowed
It’s okay to have a group shot or two in your profile pictures assuming it’s a mixed group. Don’t have shots of you surrounded by other women or you’ll just come across as a player or, worse, you’ll look like you’re in a strip club. Never, ever have pictures of your ex-girlfriends in your profile. In fact, it’s better to not have any shots of you alone with a woman or you might give the wrong impression. You definitely don’t want to look like you’re still hung up on your ex.
Don’t Get Negative
Focus on the things that you are looking for rather than talking about things that you don’t want. Again, don’t involved exes. Don’t talk about things that your ex used to do that made you crazy. Don’t come across like you are bitter towards women in general. This is your first impression and you want to keep it positive.
Use Recent Photos
You need to have photos of what you really look like now. You don’t want her to feel like you were being deceptive if she agrees to meet you in person. It’s just going to get you off on the wrong foot. If she doesn’t find the current real you attractive, there isn’t much point in chatting and agreeing to meet with her.
Free Date Ideas
Looking for a cheap date idea? Here’s something even better! Check out our favorite free date ideas.
Take a hike! Find a nice park nearby and start exploring. Wear comfortable clothes and have your camera ready. Plan for late afternoon so you can stick around for the sunset.
Check out a new town or neighborhood. Find somewhere that you have never been before or at least haven’t gotten around to exploring. Leave without a plan. If you live in a big city, just get off the bus or subway at a stop you’ve never been to. See what’s there!
Look for a free concert. Find a local bar or art center with a free concert. It’s a great way to find new local bands. If you can’t find any music that you like, look for other shows like comedians or spoken word.
Check out a food festival. There are small food festivals and farmer’s markets going on all the time. Walk around and get some free samples. Try new things that you’ve never had before. If you love something, you can still buy it at a fraction of the cost of going to a restaurant.
Learn how to geocache. Have an adventure together! Read up about it online and figure out what you are doing. Download an app and get out there to see what you can find.
Have a game night. Invite some friends over or just find some fun two player games. If you don’t have a great stock of games, check out a local thrift store and find something fun.
Go to free night at a local gallery or museum. Most cities have free nights at least once per month. Check out the local calendar to see when you can get free entry.
Get active. Learn how to ice skate or ski. If you’ve had some skates or skis gathering dust in the back of your closet, pull them! Dust them off and hit the park. Downhill skiing generally isn’t free you can go cross-country skiing for free on most trails.
Give back together. Volunteer for the day. Look for a marathon that needs help or head down to the local animal shelter. It’s a fun way to experience a few place and do something meaningful together.
Do some binge watching. Have you always meant to watch The Sopranos? Want to check out a trilogy? Find something you can agree on, make some popcorn, and snuggle up on the couch.
Go to an open house. Find the nicest, most expensive houses in the area and go see them! Open houses are a great way to just go snoop around. If you really want to go all out, dress up and give yourself some fake names.
Have a bonfire. Bonfires are great at almost anytime of year. If it’s cold, bundle up and stick together. Make smores and tell ghost stories or just sit back and listen to some music.
Find an outdoor theatre. Even if you don’t generally love theatre, this can be really fun. Bring a blanket, lie down outside and enjoy yourself. It’s just like a day in the park but with a little added entertainment. A lot of cities play movies for free too so keep an eye on the schedule, especially during the summer.
Cold Weather Date Ideas
Looking to break out of the dinner and a movie rut? It might not be the perfect weather for a picnic but there are a lot of fun things that you can get out and do. Check out our favorite cold weather date ideas.
Pick apples. Apple picking really is the quintessential autumn outing. Find a local orchard and a make a day of it. If you’ve missed the apple picking season, go look for pumpkins. Unless you’re in a very cold climate, there is almost always something to get out and gather.
Go for a tea tasting. If you don’t like wine or are just in the mood for something warm, go taste different teas and coffees. A lot of tea bars have tastings or you just set up your own!
Find a cold weather festival. There might not be as many outdoor festivals during the winter and fall but there definitely are some. Check out Oktoberfest, a Christmas market, or look for chilli cook-out.
Get culture. Check out local museums and galleries. There are exhibits going on all of the time so don’t assume that you have already seen it all. Look through the schedules and make a plan for a day of culture.
Bundle up and enjoy it. Go for a hike to see the changing colors of the leaves. Have a bonfire and cozy up around it to stay warm. You might not be able to spend all day outside but you can definitely get out for a while.
Play tourists. Check through local travel guides or hit up TripAdvisor to see what tourists come to your area to see. Even if you aren’t in a tourism hotspot, there is bound to be at least a day’s worth of activities in the area.
Get cooking. Get together and make some or your favorite winter dishes. It’s a great way to connect and learn more about each’s other old family recipes.
Learn something new. Take a class together. Learn to salsa or make sushi. Find something that is new to both of you. There are endless options so there is sure to be something that you’ll both enjoy.
Have a movie marathon. Sit down to an old favorite and enjoy it all over again. Watch the Lord of the Rings from the first movie to the last. Check out all of the Rocky movies. Find something that you’ll both like and cozy up on the couch together.
Be kids again. If you live in a snowy area, get out and enjoy it. Build a snowman. Have a snowball fight. Go sledding. Just bundle up and enjoy the winter.
Get sporty. Go skiing or ice skating. Try something new together like snowshoeing. Visit a local sports rental spot and just inspired.
Have a game night. Get together a group of your friends and play! Learn a new card game or play a favorite old card game.
Help up. Charities over go into overdrive in the winter. Why not help out? Go to a soup kitchen and serve a warm meal. Help gather and wrap Christmas presents for kids in need.
Dating for Introverts
It might seem like the dating world is made for extroverts. From meeting people that you don’t know to having long chats, it can be exhausting. Rather than trying to follow the old rules or be someone that you’re not, set your own terms.
Be Clear About What You Want
If you aren’t looking forward to going on a million dates, focus on getting quality dates. If you have a dating profile, make it as clear and detailed as possible. Talk about the real you and what you are actually looking for. Chat with people online for a while and get to know them before you arrange for your first date. Don’t just decide to that you must get out and meet new people. Establish relationships with people before you go out so you are comfortable and meeting people who have read potential.
Stay in Your Comfort Zone
First dates can be stressful enough. Don’t make it harder on yourself. Make a plan to have your first date at your favorite restaurant or cafe. Agree to meet at a place where you already know that you will feel comfortable. It’s great if you want to try something new but if you’re feeling stressed about getting somewhere new and potentially hating it, forget about it. You can always be adventurous after a few dates when you are comfortable with each other and ready to try new things.
Know When To Quit
Start your date with a specific timeline. Go out later in the evening and tell your date that you need to be home by ten at night for an important meeting the next day. Plan a coffee date for an afternoon when you need to be somewhere a few hours later. Eliminate the need for you to have to say that you want to go home. Stick with a max of three hours. If everything is going great and you want to stay longer, plan for another date! It’ll prevent you from getting worn out and you won’t have to have awkwardly say that it’s getting late.
Don’t Overbook Your Day
If you have been dealing with co-workers all day or have a dinner party to go to in the evening, don’t schedule your date for that day. If you start the date feeling worn out, you might have a hard time enjoying yourself. You don’t need to totally clear your schedule but plan for a day when you know that you’ll be energetic and at your best. Plan the big night out for after a quiet day at work or during a low-key weekend.
Be Open with Your Date
If you don’t like to go out a lot, say so! If you’d rather date another introverted person, admit it. Be open to dating all kinds of people and having new experiences but know what you like. If you’re on a date with someone who likes to go out every night, confess that you aren’t really into it. Don’t be afraid of showing who you really are. If your date isn’t connecting with you, find someone who you have more in common with.
In Defense of Dating Around
If you want a serious relationship, you should start dating around. Really, it does help! Your chance of finding the perfect guy is greatly increase by the number of potentially great guys that you date. Not only will you get to meet more people but you will also probably find that having your options open makes you feel more confident and less stressed about each guy.
First things first, we are talking about dating. It’s great to go on dates with a few different people at once. It’s okay to have dinner together, watch a movie, or go out to a concert. It’s not okay to be sleeping with a few different people at the same time or be starting relationship. Have fun but keep it light and keep your options open. If you find yourself really wanting to spend more time with a particular guy then start thinking about moving things forward. It’s not about holding out. It’s about preventing yourself from just getting comfortable and falling into a relationship.
Keep an Open Mind
It’s easy to get excited about a new guy and lose perspective. While the initial rush is amazing, it’s important to really get to know him for a while before you decide that he is right for you. Spend some time learning about him as a person before you make any decision. After a few dates, you might decide that he isn’t so charming after all.
Be Selective But Not Fickle
Don’t get too caught up in the excitement of new romance. Some women start dating around and then they never stop. Some people are happy with this indefinitely and that’s great. But it’s important to know what you are looking for. If you want a serious relationship then stay focused on what you are looking for.
Stay In the Moment
If you are out with one guy, don’t spend your time messaging another. It’s natural to want to make comparisons but compare them to the guy that you are really looking for, not each. Maybe they are all great and you’ll have a tough decision to make. Maybe none of them are what you are looking for and you’ll have to start over. There are tons of options out there that you haven’t even met yet. To really get to know each of them, focus just on him while you’re out with him.
Be respectful of everyone that you are dating and don’t lead them on. If you want a serious relationship, tell him that. But, never, ever imply that you want a serious relationship with him until you are sure of it.
But Not Too Honest
Even if you have just started dating, it can be a little hurtful to know that the other person is still shopping around. Never bring up other dates or other guys. If he asks what you did on Saturday night, tell him that you were out with a friend. If you have only been on two or three dates, you haven’t made any commitment and you still are just friends.
What Every Guy Must Know About Dating
Forget about ridiculous pick up schemes and dating rules. Any woman worth dating isn’t going to be impressed by them. Focus on getting to know her and having a good time rather than doing what you think that you should. If you’re feeling clueless, follow our eight simple rules.
Rule One: Be a gentleman. Open doors. Pay for the first few dates. Say please and thank you. Generally just being polite will go a long way. While that might seem obvious but it’s easy to forget when you’re nervous so stay on your toes.
Rule Two: Make your dates fun. If you hate fancy French food then don’t take her to a fancy French restaurant. Be romantic but don’t be too contrived. Spend your time thinking of things that would actually be fun rather than focusing on impressing her. Not only will you enjoy the date more, you’ll definitely get points for creativity.
Rule Three: Get to know her. It’s easy to get nervous and focus on what you are going to say. Try diverting the attention. You are dating to get to know each other so ask her questions! Get to know what she is really like. As a bonus, this will take the pressure of you if you’re feeling nervous about what to say.
Rule Four: Relax. Don’t worry about whether or not she is enjoying the date. If she likes you, it won’t matter if you get lost or the waiter spills a drink on your table. She agreed to go out with you so she has some interest in you. Focus on that first spark of attraction rather than trying to read her mind. If she is being fussy and hard to please, she is probably not what you are looking for anyway.
Rule Five: Keep the past in the past. Sure, it’s important to talk about past relationships once you get into a relationship but never during the early dating stages. Never, ever bring up your exes and most certainly don’t trash talk them.
Rule Six: Keep it positive. Don’t list all of the things that annoyed you earlier in the day. Don’t talk about how difficult your co-worker is. While it’s perfectly fine to share gripes with a friends, it’s not a good first impression. It might be easy to start complaining about something simply because you are at a loss for things to talk about but forget it.
Rule Seven: Be honest. If you aren’t looking for a serious relationship, tell her. Don’t lead her on and definitely don’t lie. If you want a casual fling, find someone who wants the same thing. And if you’re looking for something more serious, don’t be shy about that either. Misleading each other is just going to waste everyone’s time.
Rule Eight: Call whenever you want. You don’t need to wait three days. If you are feeling confident that the date went really well, send her a message. While you might freak her out by texting her immediately after the date, no normal woman would be put off by hearing from you a day or two later.
Dating Your Friend’s Ex
Are you interested in your friend’s ex? Tread lightly! While it can be possible to have a great relationship with both your friend and her ex, you need to take a few extra precautions to keep things running smoothly.
Know When It’s Okay
If you value your friendship, you need to know that sometimes it just isn’t okay to date a friend’s ex. If they were together for five years, she might just find it too uncomfortable. If they only dated a few months, maybe she will be fine with it. Be open and honest and have a conversation.
Learn to Keep a Secret
If you are in the habit of sharing everything with your friends and boyfriend, start to think twice about what you say. The circumstances have changed. While your ex might have loved to hear funny stories about your friend, it is different when you are dating her ex. While it’s fine to mention them to each other, don’t get into sharing anything too personal. If you start oversharing and making them uncomfortable, you could end up breaching the trust you have with both of them.
If their relationship ended on bad terms, you might be tempted to spill to her when you get into a fight with him. Resist it! Nothing good is going to come from the two of you trash talking him. And the same goes for times when you are annoyed with her. Keep it to yourself or find another ear to bend.
Stop with the Comparisons
It’s never good to compare yourself with your guy’s past girlfriends. This is even more important if you know nearly everything about one of them. Never, ever mention to him how the two of you stack up to each other. Don’t ask him to make comparisons either. Nothing good can come from it. She is your friend and this is by no means a competition. And, for sanity’s sake, don’t make comparisons in your mind either. The past is the past. Leave it there.
Respect Their Wishes
If they don’t want to spend time together, don’t force it on them. If she admits that she isn’t really comfortable spending time with the two of you as a couple, then be understanding. You don’t want to put them in awkward situations. You can’t force them to bond and it’s only going to strain your relationship with both of them.
Don’t Get Crazy
If your friend is spending time with her ex/ your new guy, don’t worry about. Don’t read into things. If they are both going to be in your group of friends then accept that they will be spending time together. Focusing on building trust with each other and try to quiet your insecurities.
Don’t Dig for Dirt
Don’t ask either of them about their relationship with each other. Their relationship was different from the one that you and he have now. There is no useful information that you can gain. You don’t need to hear about their ups and downs. It’s only going to tempt you into making comparisons and worrying. Just forget about it.
Where’s This Relationship Going?
New relationships can be tricky. Are you dating or going out as friends? Are you seeing each other exclusively? Does that make you boyfriend and girlfriend? It can get murky. The only thing that’s absolute is that you must have a conversation about it. Making assumptions is just going to create frustration and confusion. If you think you’re ready to be exclusive, get ready for a chat.
Is This What You Want?
First things first. Do you really want to be exclusive with this guy? It’s easy to get caught up in simply being in a relationship. Everything is new and exciting and you’re looking forward to having your first milestones. Even if you’re having a good time together, it’s important to give your future relationship some thought. Can you see yourself having a future with this person? Is this someone that you could introduce to your friends and family? If so, great! If not, you can still keep dating him. There’s nothing wrong with going out and having a good time. Maybe you’ll see him in a different light later. Maybe the relationship will just run its course. If you’re not sure about him, keep things casual.
Have Things Been Progressing?
Do you know more about him now that you did two weeks ago? Have you been to his place? Have you met some of his friends? If things have been progressing naturally then it might be time to have a talk about your future. If you have been dating for a couple of months and you haven’t met any of his friends or seen his house, it’s not too likely that he is looking for a relationship.
Keep It Casual
If you think you are ready to have the talk with him, come prepared. Don’t send him alarming messages like: “we need to talk.” Go on a normal date and just tell him how happy you are with things. Say that you are interested in being exclusive and ask if he feels the same way. Sure, you are really putting yourself out there but you need to. Your other option is to wait until he brings it up on his own. Forget about roles though. This isn’t a matter of having him pursue you. At this stage in dating, you should be equals and comfortable expressing yourself.
It’s important for healthy relationships to progress forward. Don’t worry about messing things up by talking about your relationship. If you are looking for a serious relationship, you don’t want to waste your time with someone who is only interested in casual dating. If you give it some thought and pay attention before you decide to bring it up, his response probably won’t surprise you. But be careful. He might say he’s not ready so do understand that the conversation could go a couple of ways. Be honest with yourself. If you’ve been dating for a couple of months and feel like you’re ready to move forward and he isn’t, it’s time to move forward without him.
Women to Avoid
There may be someone out there for everyone but there are a few women who definitely aren’t for you. If you are going to meet a great woman, learn how to recognize important red flags. Don’t waste your time and energy with women who aren’t ready to be in a relationship or who are just plain trouble. Look for a few cues and avoid a lot of heartache.
Avoid her if: She is freshly out of a relationship
If she can’t be single for even a little while, there’s a problem. Jumping from one relationship to the next is a major sign of codependency. While you may want to be her shoulder to cry on, forget about it. If you really think that she’s perfect for you then hold out. She might end up going on a few other dates but that’s a good thing. Everyone needs some time to get out and see their options after the end of a serious relationship. Go out with her. Get to know her. But keep it light! You don’t want to be her rebound guy and you don’t want to end up with a codependent woman.
Avoid her if: She is never wrong
If she can’t deal with being wrong that means that you will always be the one at fault. Even if she is not blaming you for anything now, look at how she talks about other people. There’s a problem if everyone else, from the waiter to her best friend, is always at fault. She’s always complaining and someone has always done her wrong. While it might not wear on you immediately, it will exhaust you in the long term.
Avoid her if: She doesn’t have any career ambitions
She might not really care now if she is moving from one dead end job to the next but you will. Chances are good that if she is regularly unemployed or barely making ends meet, she will be relying on you. Worse yet, that could her plan. She could be the sort of woman who is happy to just work here and there until she finds a man to support her. Maybe you are fine and that’s great. However, if you want an independent partner, look for someone with some drive. Before you consider getting serious, ask her where she sees herself in the future. If she wants to be a stay-at-home mom or just a trophy wife, don’t expect that to change. If she has no clue, it’s fair to say that you have no clue where the relationship is headed.
Avoid her if: She’s Addicted to Social Media
It’s great to stay in touch with friends but it’s something entirely different if you can’t bear to be out of touch for an evening. An addiction is an addiction and it’s going to get old. If she can’t stop herself from checking her phone every few minutes while you’re out, you are never going to have her full attention. Worse yet, she probably needs regular validation and “likes”.
Worst Dating Mistakes Most Guys Make
Think you’ve got your dating strategy all figured out? Think again. Even the best of us can fall into the trap of making the same mistakes over and over. Before your next date, make sure you aren’t making one of these all too common mistakes.
Not Knowing What to Pay For
Sure, some things have changed but not everything. As a general rule, you should pay for the first three dates. If everything is going well and she offers to pay, just say that she can pick up the check next time. Now you are chivalrous and you just told her that you’re interested in another date. A word of caution though: don’t pay for everything. You don’t want to attract a woman who is interested in being “taken care of”. You are not her dad (or worse- her sugar daddy). Pay for the first few dates then start taking turns.
Treating Dates Like Job Interviews
Women like successful men. Ambition is attractive and having a few extra dollars in your pocket doesn’t hurt either. On the first few dates, you will probably both chat about about your jobs and future career ambitious but leave it at this. Never, ever talk about salary. She is looking for a boyfriend not an employee. She doesn’t need to know every bit of your professional life. Even if you have a great job, remember that less is more. Bragging is never attractive.
Not Having the Spontaneity-Preparedness Balance
If you ask a woman on date, you need to plan a date. A date should consist of some food and entertainment. If you just plan on going to a restaurant, you’ll probably find yourself searching for something to do if all goes well. Let her know that you have a couple of things in mind and keep it flexible. Tell her that you’d like to have dinner here then go do this or that. If you’re nervous about her liking the plan, have a few options in mind. Tell her that you heard about a great new Indian place or you could swing by your favorite Italian place. Don’t rattle off a list of choices or start searching on your phone. Keep it simple. Keep it flexible.
Not Knowing When To Make a Move
If you’ve been dense for a while, there might be some learning curve here but body language isn’t too hard to pick up on. If you aren’t sure if she is interested, move subtlely and pay attention. Lean toward her. Does she lean closer or move away? Feel things out for little while then make a move. If she’s not into you, there’s no loss. Making a move isn’t going to turn her off if she does like. And worse: if you wait too long she is going to start to think of you as a friend and you’ll probably never get anywhere.
Holding Out for Perfection
It’s important to have standards but don’t make yourself crazy with them. If you didn’t feel sparks on the first date but still found her interesting, give it another shot. A second date isn’t a marriage proposal. Go out again and see how you feel.
Cheap Dates That Will Wow Her
Tired of shelling out cash for boring dinners and movies that you don’t like? Try mixing it up a little! Not only will she be impressed by your creativity, you can save a few dollars along the way.
Cheap Hotspot: Wine Tasting Event
Wine tasting events are generally cheaper than adding on a bottle at dinner. They are a great way to try something new together and have a bit of fun. Most areas have at least a couple wineries and, if not, you can usually track down a restaurant or wine bar that does tastings.
If you can’t stand wine or aren’t sure if she’s a fan, check out a local microbrewery or distillery. The tours usually aren’t too pricey and they last about as a long as movie. Plus they end with freeze booze.
Cheap Hotspot: Picnic in the Park
The great thing about a picnic is that it seems better throughout that a restaurant plan and, of course, it’s cheaper. Pack a bag or just bring along a few basic essentials and go to the grocery store together. A lot of grocery stores have good ready-to-go salads which you can pair with some nice cheese and bread. Grab a couple mini bottles of wine and make an afternoon of it.
Cheap Hotspot: Free Concert
Summer is packed with cheap or free outdoor events. Look for Shakespeare in the park or local bands doing outdoor shows. It’s usually a fun and relaxed vibe so even if the show isn’t great, you can have a good time. Bring a blanket and a cooler then just sit back and relax. If you’re not much of an outdoorsmen it’s the perfect way to get outside and have a little fun.
Cheap Hotspot: Farmer’s Market
Farmer’s markets and flea markets are great places to walk around. Flea markets can be packed with surprisingly expensive stuff so stick with the farmer’s market if you want a safe bet. It’s perfect for an eco-friendly lady or you can just browse and pick up a few things then head to your picnic.
Cheap Hotspot: Bike Path
Most cities have bike rental stops scattered around where you can rent by the hour. Biking is an easy way to get a bit physical without ending up with a sweat soaked shirt for the rest of the date. Do spend a little time planning your route before you go. Going through the center of the city can be a bit less romantic. If you live near a lake or river, find a good path that winds around it or just somewhere that gives you enough space to bike together and chat.
Cheap Hotspot: Museum
Even if you aren’t really the museum type, check out the local options. There’s usually a pretty good assortment of traveling exhibits that feature science, art, or history. Look for something fun and interactive. The entrance fee is usually pretty low and a lot of places have free days. Plus it’s a good way to show you’re cultured.
The Real Rules of Dating
The best rule in life is to keep things simple and this most certainly applies to dating. You don’t need 101 relationship rules to live by when it comes to finding that perfect someone. Stay sensible and sane by just focusing on a few key bits of dating advice.
Keep It Positive
Remember that time you just went into the store to buy a shirt and the next thing that you knew the woman working there was telling you about the time that her ex-boyfriend cheated on her? TMI is nightmare so keep away for it. It’s easy to feel a false sense of closeness with someone you are dating but keep in mind the level of your relationship. If you just met, treat him like someone that you just met. It’s great to start share hopes and dreams after a few dates but, in general, keep it light and always keep it positive. Don’t tell long stories about that friend that you don’t actually like and don’t complain about every restaurant that you go to. After a few dates, you might actually find that you are happier with the no-complaining policy.
Don’t Be Needy
Again, keep in mind that you just met this person. You shouldn’t need him for anything. It’s absolutely critical in life to be a self-sufficient person and it’s important in dating to show that you are a smart, independent person. You don’t need to push the fact you are are fiercely independent but just avoid any needy conversations and don’t start asking him for favors after the second date.
Focus on Him
It’s easy to feel self-conscious in that getting to know you phase but don’t let it overwhelm you. Do you really know that you want him to like you? It’s great to feel wanted but you need to get to know something about this guy first. Ask him questions. Think about how he answers. Consider if he is the right guy for you rather than focusing all of your attention on getting his interest. As a bonus, focusing on him will make you far more comfortable since you won’t feel like you are the one always under the microscope.
Keep things Fun
Treat him like you would treat any one of your friends. Try to break out of the confines of being self-conscious and trying to impress him. Tell a joke. If it falls flat, laugh at your own cheesy sense of humor. If he doesn’t appreciate it, consider what that says about him rather than what it says about you. Be a little goofy sometimes. You don’t need to go out of your way to show how unique you are but do relax and do what comes naturally.
Let Him Make the Move
It’s been said so many times that it’s boring to even read but, yep, let him make those first few moves. Read a book. Stand on your head. Do whatever it is you want to do until he messages you to set up the second date. The idea perpetuates because it really is what most guys like.