Johanna Blume is a junior at Rider University studying Public Relations with a minor in Advertising and a certificate in Leadership.
College is a time to find yourself, explore new things and meet new people. Being attached to your high school gf/bf can be difficult and have you pinned between a rock, the strength and cornerstone known as your bf/gf, and the hard place that is the cute boy or girl that keeps flirting with you. We all make mistakes. But, let’s admit it, some mistakes are bigger and have a worst result than others. One of mistake that falls under this umbrella is cheating. We might not like to hear the word but sadly it happens, especially in college. But is it the end all be all to a relationship? We’ll that’s up to the couple but there are some tips that might help mend (fingers crossed) the torn relationship.
- Be honest! Your relationship has a big hole in it from the cheating scandal. The last thing that needs to be done by either party is lying. Be honest about the events that happened or led up to the cheating and be truthful about your mindset when it happened. This could provide insight into something that pushed you over the edge to make the decision.
- Hand over the phone. Phones have become a breeding ground for incriminating evidence. Let your bf/gf go through texts, pics, and your social media sites to achieve some sense of peace of mind that what you did was actually a mistake, and hopefully not preplanned. I advise not to delete texts. If caught deleting texts this could lead to an even bigger argument or bitter end.
- Talk it out. Feelings will be uncontrolled, prepare for the worst. But be sincere. Remember if you are trying to win your other back, you need to APOLOGIZE and take blame. I understand that your other might have done or is doing something that really pushed you over the edge (ex. Being too clingy, bad attitude all the time, never trusting you, always starting arguments) but this is not the time for you to justify your actions by compiling a list of their faults. Rather tell them how you were feeling (ex. Suffocated, disrespected) and what they were doing to make you feel that way. Do not yell at them telling them that it’s their fault. It is your own fault that you cheated.
- Don’t do the 2 extra miles. Yes, you want to make up the lack of trust, honor, and respect in your relationship. However, do not do superfluous acts of kindness in an attempt to rebuild. Building trust, honor and respect comes with not only time but acts that call you to receive trust, honor, and respect. So buying 2 dozen roses/a new video game, 14 boxes of chocolates/his favorite snack, and a new pair of shoes/the newest pair of Jordans, is not substantial. You’re going to have to spend more time together and communicate more effectively. Show him or her that they are the only thing on your mind by saying it and expressing it along with buying less than half of the things listed above.
Remember it is a healing process. It takes time, and even with time results may vary. I wish the best of luck.