Hi! I am very thankful to meet you. My name is Chelsey Rudzinski and this is a brief account of my life story…
I was born in Anderson, IN to my mom from South Korea and to my dad from Cedar Lake, IN. My biological siblings are a brother and a sister. My stepmom became part of my life when I turned 3 years old. Later, my family consisted of a stepdad married to my Korean mom, two stepbrothers, and one half-brother. I grew up in a secular household.
At 3 years old is when I began to develop certain passions that have continued to this day. I first developed a great passion for singing, which began when I first sang out of my bedroom window. That rolled into a wholehearted ambition to work towards becoming a singer and pianist on the side of becoming a counselor for especially young children. At age 5, I then became greatly passionate about reading anything I could, writing stories, writing poems, writing songs, riding my bike, swimming, traveling for exploration, and being a hair stylist.
Starting at 3 years old, however, I was also steadily developing severe mental and emotional problems due to family issues, school issues, and some other significant things. Amongst other things, my soul was being weighed down most significantly with depression, distrust, and insecurities about both my self-worth and physical appearance, which altogether consumed my entire childhood. I was desperate for love, wanting to know both who and how I was suppose to be in the world in order to find acceptance. At 5 years old, I entered a very long broad road towards addiction to video games, escaping into my imagination, junk food because of the sugar high, and spending time with my friends because I found that they all could block and suppress anguish in my soul like an antidepressant can, though only temporarily. The more anguish I bore, the more my addictions got stronger. Throughout all the years that I struggled like this, there came a point near my teenage years when I finally and firmly believed that I truly did not know what love was anymore. I believed that if that was the case, then there was no reason for me to live if there is no love. So, at 15 years old, I thought, ‘That’s it. If I can’t take it anymore, then I am going to commit suicide’ with the plan of hanging myself on a tree in my back yard. I decided that if suicide was going to be my final decision, then there was no turning back.
To explain what actually happened next, I shall share with you a very small portion of what I have written in my autobiography that I am hoping to have published either this year or sometime soon next year:
[“On June 15, 2004 at about 4pm, I finally hit rock bottom in one single moment. This was the very day, the very hour, and the very moment that I planned to commit suicide without hesitation. It was the moment when I experienced that the suicide side of the battle in my mind was very quickly winning as my whole mind felt like there were echoes from that side of it repeatedly shouting, “SUICIDE!!!” The battle’s other side of turning to God was precisely like an army knowing it was undoubtedly going to face defeat, yet did the very last thing it could out of hope in this one moment – strongly tugged at not my mind, but my heart to remind me that I was still desperate to live and I actually did feel it being tugged like that. That tug led me to immediately run to sit on my keyboard bench, face my open bedroom window, and loudly cry out with all my soul and tears, “FATHER!!! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! Please change me! I don’t know what’s wrong with me! Please change me! I don’t know what’s wrong with me!” I very much felt like I was a nation that both sides fought to possess and that finally surrendered to God instead of suicide.
Right after that very moment that I prayed to my heavenly Father, I felt a peaceful presence come into my bedroom as if it readily jumped in through that window. It was a peace that distinctively felt like it was covering over me like a blanket. Immediately, I then began to experience that both my negative thoughts and negative mindsets that had been weighing down my soul to the point of depression, chronic anxiety, and fear that I could not overcome were now beginning to lift away. At the same time and as if those weights were truly being taken off of me, I was quickly feeling so light of weight like I could levitate off the floor and then gently soar up into the heaven where God the Father is. The only explanation I could immediately think of for this experience was that God Himself actually heard me and then somehow came into my room.
However, I wanted to test Him to understand if He truly did hear me by praying to Him that He’d make it rain for 3 days. The next morning, I woke up hearing loud peels of thunder, strong wind, and rain pattering heavily and loudly on the house before I then got out of bed to see dark storm clouds with very little sunlight and very heavy rain. Based on this, my first thought was that God truly answered my prayer and I fully believed so as this rainstorm literally continued nonstop for 3 whole days and 3 whole nights. The 4th day had no indication of more rain coming at all, but my family and I did see that it rained so much that our whole back yard and most of our front yard were flooded to the point that we could not be in those places for a whole week. By the end of that week, dad asked my siblings and I to help him drag every one of the massive amounts of tree limbs from those yards to the burn pile, which I did not doubt was caused by the storm’s strong winds and lightning. I was so busy that I did not realize when I was working towards the tree that I had previously planned to commit suicide on until I looked up at it…staring at its trunk that had been struck clean in half by lightning and the other half of it was on the ground (A ground-level piece of its stump still remains in my back yard after dad took the rest of it for firewood.). Before the storm came, I knew that the tree I planned to commit suicide on had not been struck at all and so I immediately knew that God Himself struck it down. It was the only tree struck down in the forestry part of my entire yard! Seeing that tree, I gave thanks to Him and chose to commit my life to Him from then on because I believed He was trying to tell me that He loves me too much to let me die in my sorrow without understanding that He is my hope.
Very soon, I learned that the being who came into my room to change me from the inside-out was God’s Holy Spirit who seemed to desire to permanently stay with me because everyday since June 15th, I kept experiencing how His peace of His presence was changing my entire soul. His peace was calmly flowing into my soul, causing the atmosphere of my mind to always instantly begin shifting towards freedom from any of the mental and emotional oppression that my soul was under. He also sometimes gave my soul slight touches of His peace, which always felt as if He touched my soul with just one of His fingers to transfer peace, causing my entire soul to instantly begin feeling the same peace and resulting in the same effect, but of a smaller intensity. As I experienced it, He gave slight ones as quick reminders that He was with me. The peace of God’s Holy Spirit soon brought to my memory of how peaceful I inwardly felt as a young child whenever my mom Chin’s presence was near me or affectionately touching me – I had forgotten both that feeling and memory since the beginning of 6th grade. His peace of His presence, however, felt like it was multiple times that of the peace of my mom Chin’s presence – bluntly overwhelming! I knew all too well what it was like to be hugged by my mom Chin and other people who could only give hugs to my body, but He could give hugs to my soul, which led me to see His presence as truly the complete place of rest I needed for my soul after already spending several years of trying to find that kind of rest through my addictions. Day after day of as I was feeling all the oppression to my soul increasingly lifting away, my mental and emotional stability was improving. From this, I knew that there was no question that God was working in my life to change me.”]
Based on the fact that I grew up in a secular household, I initially and for several years had a mindset like this: ‘God is just a religious figure who no one needs to give attention to because He is not as important as the work that we human beings need to take care of. He is not as important because all He is doing is just sitting in heaven to look down at mankind, so what is the point of bothering to have Him involved in our lives? It is better to not mix reality with religion. Based on science, it is possible that He truly does not exist anyway. So, we human beings should just try to make an enjoyable life for ourselves without a care about Him.’
God proved me completely wrong about that mindset. From 15 years old and onward, His Holy Spirit was supernaturally healing and restoring my soul from 12 total years of very painful mental and emotional damage. Neither my psychologists, nor my psychiatrist, nor my counselors, nor the antidepressant called Paxil, nor psychological self-help books, nor religion could altogether do that except for the selfless unconditional love God gave me in a relationship with Him and through other children of His who He brought into my life. Throughout those relationships, I learned how powerful both your thought life is and words are in regards to how they can affect your brain besides your relationships. Dr. Caroline Leaf gives some of the most amazing insights I have ever learned about the relationship between our thoughts and our brain. I also learned some amazing evidence about the existence of God from Lee Strobel and others who explain about creationism versus evolution in order to make the point that intelligent design of the universe points to a Creator. After I read Lee Strobel’s book called The Case For A Creator, I was so very amazed that I describe his book as a jaw-dropping shocker and one of the topmost books that I recommend for every college and/or university student to read.
Speaking of a college and/or a university, I attended Indiana University Northwest for my freshman year and then transferred to Indiana University Bloomington for to finish up a BA in Psychology with a minor in sociology. The reason I chose Psychology as my major was because I thought, ‘I had gone through a lot as I was growing up, so maybe psychology can help me to understand myself. I chose Sociology as a minor with the belief that both psychology and Sociology go hand in hand in understanding human beings. I am very very thankful that I attended IU Bloomington because I believed it was the best campus for me to learn about the world from its thorough commitment to being a greatly diverse campus, its huge Wells Library, and my education gave me excellent basics I needed for to do my own research beyond the classroom.
Today, I am most passionate about 3 things. The first has to do with God. I enjoy sharing about my testimony of His grace in my life, about Yeshua, and thoroughly learning about His Word by questioning absolutely everything I hear about it from anyone, including from professors and pastors. Secondly, I enjoy singing and playing on my keyboard to make what is called soaking music. And thirdly, I enjoy learning how to counsel anyone of any age as to how to be mentally, emotionally, physically, socially, and spiritually healthy.
My Life Story
Hi! I am very thankful to meet you. My name is Chelsey Rudzinski and this is a brief account of my life story…