The 5 Guys You Date in College

Some mistakes are unique to you; others are pretty universal. This list, one would hope, could save future generations from dating these common mistakes, but it’s more likely to only foster commiseration. For most of us, it’s too late. Here are 5 guys that it seems like everyone dates and dumps (or is dumped by) in college:

1. The Stoner – He’s the one that’ll make you say, “Wait, we’ve been dating HOW LONG? I’ve gotta go.” Your grades went down, you lost 6 months to a black hole of memory, but it was fun while it lasted and he’s not a bad guy.
2. Mr. Handsome – He’s the only guy in your acting class and he’s so handsome! He’s so into you right now but there’s this lingering question, “Why would he settle down?” (Hint: he won’t.) The sex isn’t as good as you thought it’d be and it’s weird that his bedroom has so many mirrors. Probably you were never really monogamous in the first place, but still, it stings when it’s over… and when he keeps popping up on your feed with famous people.
3. The “Nice” Guy – He seems so great… until he doesn’t. He acts like a victim when it ends and, months after you’ve forgotten him, shows up at your favorite bar and implies that you’re a slut. Jerk.
4. The Big Mistake – He was your best friend or your TA or your go-to bartender or your co-worker ( and it didn’t go nearly as well as you planned. You wish you hadn’t done it, but now it’s too late and your whole life has to be rearranged to fit the fact that you’re not going to be able to look each other in the eye for like, 3-6 months. Because he turned out to be a little bit kinky and you were a little too drunk and… actually, let’s not talk about it. Just keep checking who clicked ‘Attending’ on every event until it’s far enough away that you forget to check.
5. Mr. Right… For You – He’s everything you’ve ever dreamed of and you love him so much! Except there’s this lingering feeling that something is off. He might be in the closet or – to borrow a phrase – just not that into you, but regardless, he’s not sticking around and you’re going to be devastated.

Good luck, ladies; don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

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