Effects of breakups

Hi! My name is Sam Rizzo; I’m a junior at Adelphi University in Garden City, NY. I’m originally from a small town south of Boston but love the area I’m in now. I’m a math/childhood education major on track to be a teacher. I hope someday that I’m able to teach first or second graders and wish to have a greater impact on their lives starting from a young age. I work part time at my school gym and Target and am a member of Delta Delta Delta.

While not every break up is necessarily messy and has a bad ending, there are definitely some out there that end that way. If you’ve experienced this, you’ll know what I’m talking about: the crying, fighting, eating of lots of ice cream, they don’t end well. These types of breakups and sometimes even the ones that do end well have a lasting effect on you. Whether you like the idea of it or not there will always be boys or girls that have a big impact on your life even well after you’ve broken up. Many people have experienced these types of break ups, myself included. Here are some tips for dealing with the emotional rollercoasters after a breakup:

1. Have the good cry you need: I think one of the worst things that you can do for yourself when upset, over a breakup or not, is to hold back the tears. Go ahead and have that ugly cry, you need to let it out. Don’t ever think that crying makes you less strong of a person. Everyone needs to have a good cry every now and then; it’s natural.
2. Talk about it: Similar to needing the good cry, you need to get out what you’re feeling. I think a lot of people sometimes picture a friend sitting around and talking about their feelings like a therapy session. If that’s what works then go for it. You need to have that good vent even if it happens ten times a day every day or once every three months until you’re over him.
3. Have a good group of friends: Try and figure out the friends that will help you, distract you from your ex when needed, and make you feel better after your breakup. There are some people that won’t be there for you when you need to vent and complain about your ex for the 20th time that day. Learn quickly who these friends are and try to remember who the great listeners are. They’ll be the ones to tell you what he’s missing out because he lost you or will know exactly how to cheer you up after running into him. Keep those friends close always.
4. Be the bigger person: I’ve found, even with “happy” break ups, the line of ‘staying friends’ rarely actually happens as much as many of us would like. My ex and I broke up, talked for three weeks everyday, and suddenly stopped completely. We ran into each other on campus today and barely talked to each other. And when something is said, it’s always a weird comment like the color of my shirt or how tired he looks, nothing that ever makes me feel like we’re really friends. While there are many times when I feel like yelling back at him, screaming and crying in public, I know I can’t. While that will obviously cause a scene that isn’t necessary, it doesn’t solve the problem either. No matter how upset you get and how much you want to yell and have all your questions answered, being like him won’t do you any good. When he pathetically says hi, or some other comment that will pass as a hello, respond and keep walking. Flash a quick smile and continue. Don’t think about what was said after. Don’t spend the rest of the afternoon analyzing what he said, how he was standing, or why he’s wearing that old sweatshirt you know he’s had for way too long, ignore it all. You’re better than him, there’s a reason why you’re not together anymore. It might not be apparent at the time but eventually things will be okay and you will find someone you love twice as much as you ever loved him.
No matter the ending, break ups are never easy. Remember that you’re stronger than you think and are better off without your ex. It might be hard to realize at first but eventually you’ll realize it’s true. Don’t beat yourself up over the small love you’ll always have for them. Learn from your mistakes but don’t let them hold you back.

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