The Best Friend Conundrum

By Susana Acosta

Nope, I’m not talking about your best friends. I’m talking about his. The amazing thing about college is that there are so many new people to meet. If you go out with a couple of girlfriends and try to paint the town red on a Friday night, then chances are you will hit some spots that the other guys at your college will also hit. This means that the first guy you date or hook up with is bound to either be someone you met at a party, in class, or at a bar. But after you become involved with him, unless it is a secret relationship, you are a part of his group. If he is a brother at a fraternity, then his fraternity will know who you are, and his sorority friends and classmates will know you and so forth. The main point here is that you now have created a circle of acquaintances filled with people whom you may or may not know. So, take note. When you two break up or stop hooking up, be very careful about whose room you wake up in the next morning. If they know him, you have just unfolded the beginning of many new rumors about you.

The worst part about the best friend conundrum is that girls purposely go for their guy’s friends, because these are the people we find most attractive usually. A guy’s friends tend to be similar to him. They probably have the same hobbies, tastes, personality traits, and maybe even dress the same. Even if at the beginning of the relationship, whether it be casual or not, you don’t view a friend as someone who is necessarily cute, after you spend a lot of time together you will think that he is. When you get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and he’s still awake watching television, you might exchange smiles. When you are upset about a fight that you and your friend had, it may be his friend that is conveniently there reassuring you that everything will be okay. When you are all eating dinner together or drunk at a bar, his flirting may not seem like a big deal, but trust me, all of these little things add up.

Whether he is your boyfriend or someone you just had a fling with, do not start another fling with someone in his circle. At first it may seem okay, even a bit vengeful and good, but at the end of the day, it will get complicated. Friends stick together, and you won’t know if they are talking about you, comparing stories, or even just using you. It may seem easy, because they seem to have the qualities you admired in your former lover, but it’s really a big mistake. And it could get to the point where these friends do not want to be near each other if you are around. Even other girls in their group could be spreading rumors or lies about you. Talk about awkward. Have some pride and do not put yourself in this situation.

Be careful about how you act around his friends and what boundaries you cross. Your boyfriend will probably not bring any of this up, but that is because it will not come to his mind. He trusts you and his friends; don’t break that trust in a moment of weakness. If he’s not your boyfriend, and you really don’t care what others think, then just remember it’s a small world! Someone down the line might know them and you don’t want to always be wondering who said what about you. Be civil and sever ties, then move on to fresh territory.

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