By Susana Acosta
You’ve heard it before. Girls are feisty, and the worst part about being in a fight with another girl is that you may never know it until it explodes or someone else tells you about it. That’s annoying. For this reason, I suggest making it blow up from the start. This may sound like a crazy notion, because you have classes and other things to worry about which could be affected by a nasty confrontation, but look at it from a perspective of power. If you choose when to have it heat up, then you also get to choose when to have to deal with the drama. If you let her call the shots and act immature for a few weeks, avoiding you or being passive aggressive and gossiping behind your back, she could choose to turn your fight into a miserable hell the night before midterms.
You need to take control.
Alright, there could be two ways to approach this, depending on whether or not you know what the fight is about. Yes, you may find yourself in situations where you may not even know the reason behind your friend’s cold attitude. One, you could try to be civil and sweet and melt her hard exterior with compassion. Invite her to lunch or dinner and let her know what’s on your mind, and that you noticed her change of behavior and want to know if you did something wrong since your friendship is important. Perhaps this will be effective if she is upset that you have not been paying as much attention to something that is bothering her or asked her about it; the gesture might be just what she wanted. On the other hand, you could attempt to just shut down the tension parade by being straightforward. Let her know that you are sorry for that transgression-whether it was borrowing her clothes without her permission, forgetting to tell her you would be out of town on her birthday weekend, or telling everyone about her secret crush on the guy down the hall. Express that you need to focus on classes and would rather place the unfortunate event in the past. Ask her what it will take to do that. Because girls usually are not upfront about feelings, unless there is a margarita or two in the mix, it can be uncomfortable to engage your friend in either of these ways, but it is better than trying to guess what harm the friendship will face if you try to ignore the silent battle.
When I was in college, I chose to be roommates with one of my best friends from freshman year. She and I were extremely close and felt like sisters. I went to visit her and met her family, and whenever she was feeling down, her mom would call me to make sure that her daughter was doing okay. We went shopping together, cooked together, and shared our past and present secrets. I didn’t care not looking great around her, and she didn’t care telling me when I didn’t great! We didn’t spend as much time together, and her interests began to change to match his. I had been taking singing classes and we would sing together, but now she didn’t want to and saw me as competition. When I asked if she wanted to hang out, she mentioned she had plans with her boyfriend. When I asked if something was wrong, she would say no, but I would hear her fight with her boyfriend over the phone at night. Sometimes she would not even do her homework and spend all day with him to make sure he was not with anyone else. All I wanted to do was be there for her, but she had shut me out. I respected her privacy and let her be, but it came to the point where her issues with her boyfriend were taking its toll on me.
At the end of the day, there is no set formula we can follow to deal with girls. Heck, we know that there are times when we don’t even understand ourselves! So it’s just crucial to try to be sensitive and fair no matter how you decide to handle, or not handle, the problem. Not all of us can bear the pain of seeing our friend cry-or slap us.