by Amanda Reese
Our friends should be exactly who we want them to be. We chose them after all. We want someone who is loyal and supportive. We all want a friend that will stand up for you even when you are not around. We want the kind of friend that makes you laugh and that is always around with a shoulder for when you need to cry.
Its not right away, but usual after the grounds for the friendship has been laid that we begin to notice little things about them that we may have not seen before. The pessimistic friend has blinded us all.
You start to hear her saying cynical things about everything. What you are wearing, what your friends are wearing, even what she is wearing. When she’s not comparing how her life is so much worse than yours, she is grouping you into her pitiful issues.
She will say things like, “We are great girls, why do men do us wrong” or “That guy keeps looking at us,” when you know he is only really looking at you.
Do not be alarmed because you are not at fault. There is no way you could have known what a Debbie Downer she really was before hand. Just know that whatever her issue is, it is not with you.
This friend has low self-esteem and she projects it everywhere. The sad part about it is she may not be aware of what she’s doing.
The only way she will become aware of this issue is if you call her out on it. Explain to her what she is saying and what she is doing is not okay. Maybe you can even get to the root of what her actual problem is. Do not enable her.
The many times you attempt to sympathize with this person will actually create the attention they want. They may not even be as down as they are putting on to be, but as long as you feed into their misery, they will never change.
As hard as it may be for you not to reach out and try to help your friend, do not try and make their day sunnier. They do not want to be cheerful; they rather wallow in what ever is keeping them down. Trying to boost their spirits will only be draining for you. At the end, while they will feel no different no matter how hard you try, your pessimistic friend will have succeed in draining all your positive energy.
The best thing you can do for your pessimistic friend is just support their feelings openly. If you want to do something and they object, acknowledge that. Openly and verbally express how you understand their disposition, but you will still do what you want to do anyway.