What next after college

I’m a planner. I always have been and I definitely consider it to be both a blessing and a curse. If there’s one thing I over think and plan about the most, it’s my future. No matter how many times I tell myself, “be in the present! YOLO!” I can’t help but worry about setting myself up for disappointment. There are a lot of times when anxiety and overthinking get the best of me. I don’t deal with change very easily and my constant need to have a plan can overwhelm me to no end. But lately, I’ve realized that not having a plan is exactly what I need.
I got really interested in Psychology when I was in middle school. Between taking a Peer Counseling class and reading a couple of Mitch Albom books, I was sure that I was going to be a Psychologist. Fast forward to my first year of college, when I took 3 Psychology courses and realized that I wasn’t as interested in it. I thought maybe it was the professor, or the work load, but after finishing the semester, I found that I couldn’t actually picture myself working as a Psychologist. And this thought of not being sure of my future scared me.
I’ve never been the kind of person who takes spontaneous trips or loves surprise parties or anything like that. Not knowing things frustrates me. Failing frustrates me even more. I felt like I failed at Life because I gave up something I had been planning on pursuing.
After a lot of thinking, I decided to switch my major to Communications. The world of Public Relations has always equally intimidated and interested me, so I figured why not? Being thrown into this new world of PR was strangely fascinating and exciting. There was so much I had to learn. There were a lot of times, though, when doubt would fog up my mind. PR is notorious for being demanding, stressful, and even cut throat. I would often ask myself, “Can I actually make it in PR?” “What if I end up hating it?” Switching majors was a huge deal for me, and I consider it to be one of the few risks I’ve ever taken. So naturally I started freaking out and thinking about every possible thing that could go wrong. I became frustrated with myself for not being able to live in the moment and let things happen.
One night, I was having an I Don’t Wanna Grow Up talk with my friend Kate. I was telling her about my doubts with pursuing my dreams and how much that scared me. She ended up telling me a lot of encouraging words, among them something very simple, but something I needed to hear: “life doesn’t have to be super planned out!” These words hit me really hard. I thought of the kind of month I was having because of this overwhelming fear of the unknown: full of anxiety and doubt. Going back and forth in my mind about what would be the best decision to make burned me out. I very much needed someone to tell me that life does not have to be planned out in order for it to be amazing.
I started to think about the best moments of my life and how they were all unplanned. I met my best friends on a random trip to New York. Not getting into my dream school meant going to a school in my hometown, where I was offered my first writing job. I’m not a big fan of surprises, but moments like that are definitely an exception.
Thinking about the future still scares me and it probably always will. There are days when I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. I think a lot about the next step in my plan, and sometimes I think way too many years in advance. It’s really intense, actually. I start thinking about where I’ll eventually live and if I can survive in a new city. Sometimes I think about staying where I currently live just to see what this city can already offer me. I think about moving a lot on days where I get really frustrated. I often feel like just taking that chance and leaving cause otherwise how will I know what’s out there? And there are also moments when I get really scared, and I tell myself that Miami isn’t so bad after all because at least I know people here and maybe I should just stay. It genuinely scares me not be able to know what will happen.
Although I have not mastered the art of being 100% ~carefree~, I have been able to start thinking of the future as more of an exciting concept, rather than dreading the unknown. I know there will be amazing moments in my life, whether they’re planned or not.

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